coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
