also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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