Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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