Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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