i don't like sucking hair
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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