WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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