wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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