Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
