I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
