Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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