you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
