3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
