I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize