I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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