ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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