um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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