If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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