You're my little dorito
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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