the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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