smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
