Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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