I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I touched a dick in church today
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
