Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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