i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
