i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
