the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this boner is exhausting
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
