i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
