Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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