i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
