I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
