I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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