Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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