I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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