i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
