On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
