He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
