all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize