Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
