; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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