just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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