once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
