This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
