I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
