May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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