Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
