Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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