i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
