Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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