she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
