Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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