You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Text me some of your sweat
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