The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize