I'm so fucking centered right now
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
