We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
