Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
