I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
