and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
