Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
