All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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