Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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