i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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