How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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