Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
