I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize