im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
