i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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