My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize