It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
