About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize