If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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