can u get pink eye on your cock?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
