Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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