dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
