i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
