wrigley field is MILF paradise
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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