I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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