If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
3pm strippers are depressing
How external is "for external use only"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
