i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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