here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
