I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
